The Bible Tells Me So

I thought I knew what was in the Bible, until I was reading the final section of the book The Journey from Texts to Translations (click here to read my review of it), where I was introduced to some unconventional translations that have appeared over the years – as well as some outdated words that no longer make much sense. 

I found certain excerpts from this section to be rather humorous, so I gathered them together to share in a blog post. Please note that my intent is not to make fun of or to undermine the authority of the Bible, but rather to note how strange certain English translations appear to modern readers.

It may be helpful to know that if you hover your cursor over the Bible references the familiar NIV translation will pop up.


The Bible Like You’ve Never Read It Before
Some of the – um – more interesting renderings published in English translations of the Bible.

• I bet you never knew that Noah built a barge (Genesis 6:14), that bagpipes were played at the dedication of Nebuchadnezzar’s image (Daniel 3:10), and that David wore a linen kilt while dancing before the Lord (2 Samuel 6:14). That’s exactly what you’ll find in the Moffatt translation of 1924, which attempted to put the Bible into the everyday language used in Scotland).
• Likewise, you probably never referred to Pharaoh's army as “jolly captains” as Tyndale did in his 1526 translation of Exodus 15:4.
• When I hear the phrase “The left-overs will be saved,” I think of Ziplock storage bags, not of the faithful remnant Paul is describing in Romans 9:27 -- but that's the phrase used in the Berkeley version of the Bible (1959).
• If you think you can escape profanity by turning off the TV and reading the Bible instead, think again. The Living Bible (1971) paraphrases the American Standard Version’s “Thou son of a perverse rebellious woman” (1 Samuel 20:30) into the shocking “You son of a bitch!”  (which seems hardly appropriate considering that children were the intended audience of this paraphrase.) 
• Similarly – although not nearly as shocking, the Good News Bible/Today’s English Version (1976) renders 1 Samuel 17:28 into the everyday expression “You smart aleck, you!” 
• When the New English Bible (NEB, 1970) orders that “you must have nothing to do with loose livers” (1 Corinthians 5:9) it is not forbidding organ transplant but rather dealing with people who live loosely. 
• Usually it’s fairy tales, not Bible stories, which begin with “Once upon a time.” Nevertheless, the NEB uses this fairy-tale-like phrase to open Genesis 11:1.
• We’re all familiar with the opening of John’s Gospel (John 1:1): “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” It just sounds strange the way J.B. Phillips chose to render it: “At the beginning God expressed himself.”
• The phrase  “Don't count your chickens before they hatch” wasn’t found in the Bible until 1971’s The Living Bible paraphrase appeared (1 Kings 20:11).
• Did you know the word “tush” appears in Tyndale's 1526 translation where the serpent says to Eve, “Tush, Ye shall not die,” in Genesis 3:4?
• Somehow 1 Samuel 25:22 would sound inappropriate if it were not written in the dignified  language of the KJV: “if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light, any that pisseth against the wall.” 

“Lost in Translation”
Sometimes the way a translation is interpreted by readers isn’t exactly what the translators had in mind.

• Amos 4:6 is not advertising toothpaste or a Divine Dentist when God promises to give “cleanness of teeth” (KJV, NASB). Rather, this was a Hebrew idiom better referring to the realization that they will have no food to eat (to make their teeth dirty, I suppose.) It’s probably better when rendered in English as “empty stomachs.”
• Are all scriptures inspired, or just a few? The New English Bible (1961) received a lot of flack for translating 2 Timothy 3:16 “Every inspired scripture has its use for teaching,” which seems to suggest that there are also uninspired scriptures.
• The Good News Bible/Today’s English Version (1976) obscures the prophetic element of Isaiah 7:14. What we are left with is mere biological fact: “A young woman who is pregnant will have a son.” 
• Moffatt’s 1924 translation incorrectly changes “Hebrews” to “mice” so that 1 Samuel 14:11 reads: “Look at the mice creeping out of their hiding-holes.” 
• The Bishops' Bible of 1568 renders Ecclesiastes 11:1 as “Lay thy bread upon wet faces,” as opposed to the more literal “cast thy bread upon the waters.”  
• Judges 4:1 in the New American Bible (1970) states that the Israelites “offended the Lord,” which wrongly implies that they hurt his feelings. It also uses the unfortunate word choice of “holocaust” for “burnt offering.”
• The NEB rendering of Genesis 1:2 obscures divine activity by referring to “a mighty wind” instead of “the Spirit of God.”
• Weymouth’s translation (1903-1929) uses the strange phrase “the life of the ages” instead of “eternal life.” 

What does that even mean? 
Some things just don’t have the same meaning to the 21st century American reader.

The English language of 1611 used in King James Version is very different than what we speaketh today – and I’m not just talking about the “thees" and “thous.”  Here are a few examples.

• A “mean man” in 1611 was a “common man” but now it refers to a “cruel man.”
• We use the term “meat” to refer to “flesh,” but in 1611, it referred to “any kind of food.” 
• “Peculiar” and “Strange” are synonyms today, but “peculiar” used to mean “that which belongs to one person.” 
• Did you know that “cherish” used to mean “to keep warm” but now means “to care about”?
• “Passenger” meant “passer by” in 1611, but now means “person being transported on something.”
• In previous centuries, “Prevent” meant “to come before” rather than today’s meaning “to hinder.”
• “Let” meant “prevent (some places)” but now means “to allow.”
• “Wealth” meant “welfare” but now means “money or riches.”
• “Forward” meant “ready or willing” but now means “self-assertive”
• You probably didn't know that “knit” meant “let down” since it now means “to weave.”
• “Carriage” meant “something carried” but now means “a horse-drawn vehicle.”

Can anyone tell me what almug, chode, chapt, habergeon, hosen, kab, ligure, leasing, neesed, pilled, ring-saked, stacte, strake, trode, wimples, ouches, thatches, occurrent, purit, fray, nusings, wot, trow, and sod mean? 

No disrespect intended, but some passages from the KJV mean little more to modern readers than unintelligible nonsense:

• “And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint” (Gen. 25:29).
• “And mount Sinai was altogether on a smoke” (Exod. 19:18).
• “Dead things are formed from under the waters, and the inhabitants thereof” (Job 26:5).
• “Thou shalt destroy them that peak leasing” (Ps. 5:6).
• “For who can eat, or who else can hasten hereunto, more than I?” (Eccles. 2:25).
• “I trow not” (Luke 17:9).

It’s not just the KJV that uses antiquated language. The Revised Version (1885) uses words such as “howbeit,” “peradventure,” “holden,” “aforetime,” “sojourn,” “must needs,” “would fain,” and “behooved.”

You might need a lexicon to understand the New English Bible (1970).

• “widow’s weeds” = “garments” (Genesis 38:14)
• “stooks” = “stocks “ (Judges 15:5)
• “panniers” = “baskets” (Job 5:5)
• “in spate” = “being flooded” (Job 6:17)
• “reck” = “to pay heed” (Job 9:21)
• “cairn” = “memorial” (Genesis 31:46-53)
• “calumny” = “false accusations” (Matthew 5:11)
• “midge” – “gnat” (Matthew 23:24)
• “fortnight” = “two weeks” (Galatians 1:18)

Even the Revised English Bible, published in 1989 is difficult to understand. (Seriously, who spake like this in 1989?):

• “vitiligo” = “dull white leprosy” (Leviticus 13:39)
• “connivance” = “full knowledge” (Proverbs 6:35)
• “canker in his bones” = “rot” (Proverbs 12:4)
• “decanted” = “emptied” (Jeremiah 48:11) 
• “calumnies” = “false accusations” (Matthew 5:11)

Misprints
Even spellchecker couldn’t have caught these embarrassing errors!

• The 1631 edition of the King James Version is dubbed “The Wicked Bible” because it lacked the word not in the seventh commandment; thus reading “thou shalt commit adultery.” 
• The 1653 edition of the KJV contains an error in 1 Corinthians 6:9, so that it reads “the unrighteous shall inherit the earth” instead of the “righteous.”
• Psalm 119:161 in the 1702 edition of the KJV reads “Printers have persecuted me” rather than “Princes had persecuted me.”
• 1717 Vinegar Bible – Chapter heading of Luke 20 reads “The Parable of the Vinegar” instead of “Vineyard.”
• 1795 KJV - Mark 7:27 reads “Let the children first be killed” instead of “filled.”